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ISSUE 6 : Summer 2001

Hi ya,
      There's been a lot of talk lately about taking roleplaying "back to the dungeon". Well, when I first heard this I got very excited and began thinking on rules systems ("Pamela, the barbed leather whips into your naked flesh for... 5 points of pleasure... what's your orgasm rating?").
      But I've since been informed that this wasn't the type of dungeon they were talking about. Oh well.
      On a personal note, since we published Issue 5 of Critical Miss my own emotional state has improved from largely depressed, to merely bored and apathetic, despite a consistently low vote from the New Zealand jury. Perhaps by Issue 7 I'll have achieved detached disinterest.
      Well that's about it. Here's Issue 6. Hope you like it.

Jonny Nexus, Editor, Critical Miss Magazine.

P.S. I did get offered a place in a threesome, but since the other two were blokes and I - apparently - had to be the bitch, I declined.

P.P.S. The coming issue of Valkyre (issue 22) has a column in it by me!

Guide Yeah, But... My Character Doesn't Give A Shit!
Motivation. The word that strikes fear into hardened GMs. We've all suffered the "method roleplayer", who had enough motivation to get on the bus and come to your house, only to ask you why his wizard would want to leave lab and university behind to climb down a sewer and get eaten by rats. You want a better answer than "because!"? Read on. Discuss this article...

Rant Brilliant Setting... How About Some Sodding Scenarios?
Now we all know which sort of companies I'm talking about here, but I'll mention them in the article and not here, so that if they're only skimming the titlepage they'll not know to sue me.
      Not that they would sue me of course... I'm sure they're wonderful human beings. Right??? Discuss this article...

Guide The Bastard GM's Handbook
There are many ways to enjoy the power of holding another human being's fate in your hands, but most of them are illegal, and all of them are socially reprehensible. But there is one way in which you can legally toy with people's lives. Gamesmastering. We give you the Bastard GMs Handbook - a guide to using gamesmastering to work through your personal problems. Discuss this article...

Character Nobby NoHead
He's dumb as crap and he just won't go away. Exactly what a frustrated Aberrant GM needs to frustrate, distract and generally annoy the hell out of his players. (You could also convert the character to any kind of superhero game - but we couldn't be arsed). Discuss this article...

Cartoon Roger The Clumsy
A cartoon kindly donated by Nick Pollotta. It was originally published in Dragon in 1984, under his then pen-name of "Nick Smith". Discuss this article...

Free Game Gaming With Nothing
We might be avid gamers, but what do you do on those occasions where you find yourself with absolutely no gaming equipment and absolutely nothing to do? We give rules summaries for a number of popular games, activities and pastimes that require no equipment at all. Discuss this article...

Tip A Better Potion
A handy tip for any live-roleplayers looking for a substance to masquerade as a potion. Discuss this article...

Gizmos More Cyberware For A Leisure Age
Playing in a cyberpunk game? Bored with page after page of combat cyberware and serious equipment. Looking for implants more suited for 21st century recreational use? Then check out some of the shit we've thought up for you to implant into your cyber-PC. It won't make you a more effective adventurer. It won't make you a more rounded character. But it might annoy the hell out of your GM. Discuss this article...

Report Killercon 2001
We went to Killercon 2001. We weren't going to talk about it, but decided we might as well. Discuss this article...

Links More Deckplans, Floorplans And Assorted Diagrams
The net is full of useful, and free, plans and diagrams of useful structures (buildings, vehicles and so on) just waiting for you to cannibalise for your own scenarios. Here are some links to some of them. Discuss this article...

Spotlight QAGS - Quick Ass Game System
We look at a game you might want to take a look at, if only to wet yourself laughing when you read the rulebook. Discuss this article...

Free Game WrestleFest - the Professional Wrestling game
WrestleFest is a quick and playable simulation of professional wrestling, by Gazza. Just like the real thing (except that it isn't faked). Discuss this article...

Tale Too Big For Them Thar Boots
Paul Ditta tells the story of how one of his Shadowrun characters got just a bit out of control. Discuss this article...

Guide You Are In Control - Act Like It
BS offers a guide to GMs showing how to blow up your PCs. With bombs. No, really. Discuss this article...

Tip Dicebags
Looking for one of those handy-dandy velvety draw-string dice-bags? Can't find them anywhere? Read on... Discuss this article...

Report More Live Action Misadventures
Rp Bowman spills the beans on what happened to him when he tried a bit of live roleplaying. Discuss this article...

Guide LRPing Without Tears
The Plaid Paladin gives a few pointers on how to run a LRP without any injuries, lawsuits or other unpleasantness. Discuss this article...

Report A Live Action Skeptic Speaks
The Magius on why he never tried live roleplaying. Discuss this article...

Guide Role-playing in the United States
Yet another guide to the United States, by Rey. Discuss this article...

Agony Ask Doctor Bubba
Amazingly enough, after two issues of dodgy commentary and terrible advice there are still people mug enough to write to us with their problems. Fools. Discuss this article...

So here it is, issue 6, and some of you were talking about us in the past tense. Of course this issue there has been no us and so you all know this is totally Jonny's issue. My sole contribution being limited to these few words.
   I havenít even had the time to read the IMHO, Feedback, Top Ten, Soul Thought and Gaming Records sections but I will do. And of course if you like what you see and want to know when we publish Issue 7 then just subscribe and we'll send you a mail, and maybe youíll even remember who the hell we are when we do!
   Allot has happened since the last time I put fingers to keyboard. Both Jonny and me have had to cope with lifeís ups and downs, though off late for me there has just been downs. To cut, what was going to be, a long depressing story short this last month I lost 2 people from my life. I accepted my own mortality a long time ago, but I have always had a hard time accepting that in the people around me. Itís funny how you donít appreciate what you have until you loose it.
   But enough of this self-pity. Given that I have a rare opportunity to leave my mark for the entire world to see I am not going to waste it. There are things I want to say.
   Firstly to all my friends out there, thank you for youíre understanding and support. I may not have spoken to you in weeks, or I may have said the wrong things, or I may have missed your wedding (and I do understand if you never talk to me again), or I may not have called when I said I would (again Iíll understand if you never talk to me again), or I may have missed your birthday, or I may have done countless other things to piss you off. But I do appreciate you, even if I never tell you I do.
   Secondly to Jonny, Iím sorry I let you down with this issue, I donít know what else to say.
   (No problem, but thanks for saying it: Jonny)
   Finally a message to my friend Guch, and my Grandpa wherever you are now. I Miss you and I wish I could have told you how much I appreciated you when you were in my life. I hope wherever you are now that the food is good, and the conversation is stimulating. Rest in peace.

Bubba, Webmaster, Critical Miss Magazine.

copyright © 2001 Critical Miss Gaming Society
Critical Miss Magazine is published four, three times a year When we can be arsed, by the Critical Miss Gaming Society.

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